Releasing Ownself

Today I woke up, light-hearted. This is a feeling I missed for almost one whole month. Finally I can smile to myself in front of the mirror and thank God for this beautiful morning.

It had been one whole month. I had been flickering from I am fine to the moment I'll suddenly drop my tears, feeling heartache. I had been moody, emotional, there's just something lacking. Then I read about telling God first in everything you planned to do. Then God will either changes my heart or changes other people.

So I prayed to God. I need clear direction on what I should do next. Then on the Sunday service, its as if God spoke to me through our pastor, Rev. Moses. He talked about having total faith in God. When God held out his hands to us, we'll reach for it. Trusting him totally and let God take control. This touches me so deep.

My pastor was struck with stroke four years ago, leaving him with some difficulties in speech. He told that for the last four years he had been in despair, happy on the outside but lacking inside. That was exactly how I felt. But God touched my heart. He changed me.

Now I had finally taste the sweetest of letting go. I understand that that's what you needed most. I admire you for having a clear mind from the beginning when I still hold on tight to whatever I was holding on to. Lacking the courage to let go.

Life is still full of so many things we had yet to try and pursue. We cannot be tied back or bonded by each other. Till this moment I still love you, care for you and miss you. But I understand that love is not about owning. Perhaps when time passes by, my love for you will transformed into another kind. Or if you really are the one for me, perhaps years later we'll both changed and find that we still meant for each other. That will be another story.

Till then, my deepest wish for you and for myself.

Emotional Intelligence

During this long holiday I have been reading this book. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

This is a book which talks about the importance of emotional intelligence and the significant role it plays in our daily life. Emotional intelligence is in fact more important than our IQ while making decisions in life.

I highly recommend this book. Dictionary would come in handy while reading.

心 . 死

今天，我的心真的死了。纵使一千个，一万个不愿意，我也得面对这残酷的事实。

忍不住主动跟你聊了起来，你过得很好。

你告诉我现在的自己终于做着一些应该做的事，以前太幼稚了。

你的想法不同了，更成熟了。但令我害怕与心痛的，是你一点都不再向往以往。

你为将来做了打算，一个没有我的未来。

你也有了梦想，一个容不下我的梦想。

开始承认我真的没办法跟上你的步伐，所以没资格再苦苦纠缠。

当我说出近日面对的问题，你那淡淡的‘多保重’再次砸碎了我的心。

忘了你不会再在我身边，为我出头，和我一起面对再难走得路。

现在的我是一个人走的，是独立的。

也许是自己不自觉的一再为自己找借口，找理由，给自己希望， 才会再次受伤。

也许自己仍然渴望你的爱与关怀，才会再次失望。

对你来说，我真的是那个最熟悉的陌生人了吗？

你真的在寂寞时候都不会想起我，对我一点思念都没有吗？

谁又能为我解答？

但清楚知道这些都不再重要。

心是死了，但那是种怎样的滋味呢？

不是释怀，不是解脱，反而有种无法解释的空虚。

看来，我还没让你从我生活中消失的勇气。

有人说，悲伤不是因为一个人被一个人上的多深，

而是一个人宁可选择悲伤也不选择摆脱。

在爱情没开始以前，你永远想象不出会那样的爱一个人；

在爱情没结束以前，你永远想象不出那样的爱也会消失；

在爱情被忘却以前，你永远想象不出那样刻骨铭心的爱也会址留下淡淡痕迹；

在爱情重新开始以前，你永远想象不出还能再一次找到那样的爱情。

眼泪不听话

分开已经两个星期了，

突然我又哭了。

纵使一再告诉自己不许再想你，

但那颗心与那颗脑袋已不再属于自己。

我，想你了。

一直都很想，很想……

以前在一起的时候会计算日子，

因为太幸福了，

怕日记过得太快，

也想记住我们一起过的日子有多长，

那童话般的梦有多久。

梦醒后，也计算日子，

因为太难熬，

希望这漫长的日子能为我缩短，

让我那受伤的心灵得到一丝安慰。

记得以前你说你把心放在我这儿，

我的心则寄托给你，

所以即使彼此不能时刻在一起，

也有对方的心陪伴着。

最近都感觉不到心跳，

原来你把心给拿回去了。

而我那被你退回来的心，

破碎了，回不来了。

知道你已经不属于我，

感情已经无法挽回，

但不要脸的自己却又一再抱着希望,

想问你，可以再回到我身边吗？

想在你面前装坚强，

装若无其事，

不想令你反感，

不想你因为太累而从我生活中离去。

以前遇见困难悲伤，

即使不说，你也会知道。

现在你看见了我的悲伤，

感觉到我的心酸吗？

还是你已经不在乎了？

不争气的眼泪又不听使唤地夺眶而出，

控制不了泪水，

控制不了情绪，

控制不了自己。

突然眼前只剩下一片模糊……

What Should I Do

You ask me how my day was as if it is same everyday
I say Im okay but you really dont know how I feel
Do you think i’ll be okay without you?
Are you okay without me?
The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing.

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Are we too late? Do we not have a chance?
I still think about you and you might know this
Finally is it this? Are we going to end like this? Is it okay with you?
I dont think I can do it. The love I find with you, I wont find it anywhere even if I die.

What should I do? If it isnt you no one else can hold my heart
Please hold me. And you know that even though the whole world tries to
No one can erase your memories. So please hold me

What should I do? Even now, I live each painful days because of your words
Tell me if this is a bad thing to do
Are you living each day painfully like I am?
You and me

Is it too late? Do we not have a chance?
But me, I still think about you, and you might not know.

Points To Ponder

1. Trusting God completely means having faith that he knows what is best in your life. You expect him to keep his promises, help you with problems, and do the impossible when necessary.

2. Put Jesus Christ in the driver's seat of your life and take your hands off the steering wheel. Don't be afraid, nothing under his control can ever be out of control.

3. Knowing and loving God is our greatest priviledge, and being known and loved is God's greatest pleasure.

4. Because God is with you all the time, no place is any closer to God than the place where you are right now.

5. Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning; without meaning, life has no significance or hope.

6. The best antidote, is to realise that God always acts in your best interest, even when it is painful and you don't understand it.

7. We obey God, not out of duty or fear or compulsion, but because we love him and trust that he knows what is best for us.

8. God allows pain in your life as pain is the fuel of passion. Your problems are not punishment; they are wake-up calls from a loving God.

9. There is absolutely nothing more important than developing a friendship with God. It's a relationship that will last forever.

10. You are as close to God as you choose to be.

11. Believe in God; believe God would listen to your prayer; believe God would let you say out what you felt and still love you.

12. Eternal truth about God : he is good, he loves me, he is with me, he knows what I'm going through, he cares and he has a good plan for my life.

有些话，可能是你一辈子想知道的答案

Credit to Chuen Sheng via Facebook

1。张小娴：

爱，从来就是一件千回百转的事。不曾被离弃，不曾受伤害，怎懂得爱人？

2。亦舒：

无论怎么样，一个人借故堕落是不值得原谅的，越是没有人爱，越是要爱自己。

3。雪小禅：

我以为总有一天，我会彻底将爱情忘记，将你忘记。

可是，突然有一天，我听到一首旧歌，我的眼泪流下来了，

因为这首歌，我们一起听过。

4。橘色心情：

男人哭了，是因为他真的爱了；

女人哭了，是因为她真的放弃了。

5。三毛：

有些人的爱情，只是一种‘当时的情绪’。

如果对方错将这份情绪当成是长远的爱情，是本生的幼稚。

6。张小娴：

如果没法忘记他，就不要忘记好了。

真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。

7。郭赦：

每个人一生之中心里总会藏着一个人，也许这个人永远都不会知道，

尽管如此，这个人永远都无法被谁取代。

而那个人就像永远无法愈合的伤疤，

无论在什么时候，只要较提起，或者轻轻一碰，就会隐隐作痛。