Yearning For Affections

Insomnia hit me recently. I can hardly sleep for more than four hours, not to count on the times I woke at the middle of it, restless. I had been really weak and unhealthy. Fever at first, followed by food poisoning. When my fever finally recedes, what follows is me being nauseous and bloated most of the time. Vomited few times. When I thought the unfortunate series of EOSY finally reach an end, the female monthly period is giving me trouble. I was in such excruciating pain I can hardly sleep or walk around. But I guess I am so good toying around with my mask, amazingly no one at home noticed anything indifferent in me. And I am glad. I am not used to being concerned anymore.

These were the times when I longed for a shoulder to lean on, or a strong arm to pull me through. But I realised I have no one to turn to which can be bothered. I am just so used to handle things myself I no longer know how to lay out my burden. So when occasionally any of my friends would ask me to sleep early or some extra concern, it kinda shocked me. It has been so long since no one would urge me to sleep early. Or ask how am I doing when I am sick. No one I can talk to when I am feeling miserable, nor anyone when I wanna share a piece of good news. Not that I would asked for it myself but these little things used to give me much comfort. I yearned for a cuddle when I am feeling empty and a hold of hand when I walked along the empty streets or a crowded mall.

But perhaps all these are just my childish and foolish thoughts. Everyone deserved to allow themselves to be childish once a while isn't it? Yearning for affections is the nature of human. Everyone wants to be loved and love.

However, there will always comes the time when one has to be back to their rational mind and face the truth. Life is never meant to be easy. There are more I have to face and go through in the future. Obstacles that will hurt me more where I have no one but myself to lick my wounds.

But again, I bear in mind that I am not alone. God is with me. God will never leave me nor forsake me. Let everyone in this world turned their backs to me, I still have God holding on to me. He is my comfort. Cheers~